TRACY KEPLER: BOARD MEMBER
MINDFUL LEADERS IN THE LAW: An interview with Tracy Kepler
By Christopher J. Lhulier
Welcome to the February 2022 edition of the Mindful Leaders in the Law interview series. This month I had the opportunity to interview MILS advisory board member Tracy Kepler. More than two decades ago, as a new staff counsel at the Illinois Attorney Registration & Disciplinary Commission, Tracy observed, first hand, the sorry state of well-being in the profession…so many in the law school setting and out in practice who were suffering in silence, languishing rather than thriving, and developing a profound ambivalence about their work and careers. Recognizing that the current course was unsustainable, Tracy made a commitment to the promotion and encouragement of well-being in the profession. I had the chance to ask Tracy about the different ways she is working to shift the culture of the law towards more well-being, including her work with the Institute for Well-Being In Law (IWIL) and through educating law students about well-being. Tracy also talks in a refreshingly candid way about her introduction to mindfulness and her sometimes challenging relationship with her mindfulness practice.
Q: How did you begin practicing meditation and mindfulness?
A: I can honestly say that without MILS, I never would have started this practice. I used to think that meditation was something you did at the ashram, sitting cross-legged, and chanting “om.” I had been to a couple presentations at ABA meetings on mindfulness, gone through some guided exercises, and said “no way – this is not for me.” In 2018, when I was the Director of the ABA Center for Professional Responsibility [CPR], MILS contacted me to see if CPR would be interested in being a financial sponsor of its conference at Loyola School of Law in Chicago. I figured that mindfulness was one technique to improve well-being and so why not! Right before the conference, to say that I was stressed out would be an understatement and I actually wound up in the ER with chest pains. I was hooked up to an IV, blood pressure cuff, oxygen monitor and EKG cords. Among all the other bells and beeps, I heard my work phone ringing in my purse stowed under the gurney. Hooked up to all those machines, I actually reached down to get my purse to grab my cell and answer the call from the office. It was in that moment that I thought, “what am I doing?!? I’m in the ER?!?” I needed to change and refocus and find something that I could do to restore some calm and peace. Through MILS, I learned about the benefits of mindfulness, that there is no “one” way to practice, it is simple and inexpensive, it doesn't require any special equipment and I can do it wherever I am and whenever I need it.
Q: When and in what ways did you notice that there is work to be done in improving the well-being of members of the legal profession?
A: I have to go way back, to the summer of 2000. At that point, I was a new staff counsel at the Illinois Attorney Registration & Disciplinary Commission [ARDC], the agency charged with investigating and prosecuting attorneys for ethical transgressions in Illinois. One week a month, we had “ethics duty,” meaning lawyers could call and ask questions and we would provide guidance on the Rules of Professional Conduct. Lawyers could also come in person to the office and we would meet with them. As a new lawyer, I was excited, wore my best suit and hoped for someone to come to the office so we could discuss conflicts of interest, how to work with a client trust account, and other rules.
One Tuesday morning, the receptionist called to say there was a man in the lobby waiting to talk to me. I went out, we went into a conference room, and he told me "I smoke pot every day to cope with the debilitating backslide I feel when the Ritalin I take for my ADHD wears off.” In that moment, I paused. I thought three things: (1) is this guy high right now, does he know where he is, and does he know what the "D" in ARDC stands for?; (2) am I being "punked" by the head of the ARDC? Is this the “newbie” initiation to the office?; and, (3) then it set in, just sadness that this attorney had nowhere else to turn but the disciplinary office. He felt he had no other options. Did he not know about Lawyer Assistance Programs, did he not have any colleagues, friends, or family to turn to for help?
Over the next few months of working with this attorney, I came to find out that he also suffered from Bipolar Disorder, his wife and five kids had left him, he had lost his house, alienated his friends and colleagues, was facing bankruptcy, his car had been repossessed, and he was having other "rules violations" problems with his clients.
Over the next few years at the ARDC, I heard more stories similar in nature…attorneys coming to sworn statements and depositions under the influence; attorneys telling me that they had stacks of ARDC letters piled up - even annual registration letters - and could not open them because of the stress and anxiety it produced; attorneys who started in the profession just wanting to help people and now were profoundly ambivalent about the profession and their career-floundering. Some would even tell me “I just really don’t want to do this anymore.” Or worst of all, attorneys who didn’t show up – not because they were facing disbarment for conversion of millions of dollars, but simple neglect matters. All of this caused me to wonder why? What is it about us, about the profession, about the work that is causing these problems and what can I do about it? A disciplinary sanction is not going to make an attorney well, so what needs to change?
And that’s where my mission started. I found my passion, and put myself on a track to learn, to find out the signs, symptoms and causes of these diseases; about what makes someone lose everything that is important to them and what makes someone hit bottom. But more importantly what makes them stop, and from where and how does resilience come. I wanted to work to create a movement of change towards improving the health and well-being of the legal profession, change the culture around well-being, reduce the stigma, and strive to thrive!
Q: If you could wave a wand and magically implement one well-being related change throughout the profession, what would it be?
A: Leadership modeling positive well-being behavior. A McKinsey study from November 2021 showed that 62% of employees globally considered mental-health issues to be a top challenge during the COVID-19 crisis, with higher reporting among diverse groups. The same report showed that 96% percent of companies globally provided additional mental-health resources to employees, but only one in six employees reported feeling supported.
Policy statements and resources alone do not shift culture. Changing hearts and minds is tough. Broad scale change requires buy-in and role modeling from the top. Leaders in the courts, regulators’ offices, legal employers, law schools, and bar associations can create and support change through their own demonstrated commitment to core values and well-being in their own lives and by supporting others in doing the same. It is crucial that leaders value their colleagues’ and peers’ well-being just as much as their technical skills, and it is their responsibility to model positive behavior and prioritize supporting their colleagues’ own efforts. It can be as simple as building in well-being check-ins as part of team meetings, asking “How are you feeling?” Leaders can talk about nurturing well-being openly and then backing it with significant action…eliminating a work culture that implies work should come before personal needs and encouraging/empowering staff to invest in themselves so that they can be at their best for others.
Q: Can you talk about how you include well-being concepts in the professional responsibility courses you teach at a number of law schools?
A: While I have a whole class session dedicated to well-being concepts, that is nowhere near enough time to get students thinking about practices they can implement now and healthy habits they can create in their own lives. Whether it is asking what one well-being tool do students use to improve their well-being at the end of class, to a mindfulness exercise at the start of class to get us all centered and grounded, to taking a break from the discussion to stand up and stretch, I weave well-being into each class session. When the weather cooperates, we hold class outside. I also bring well-being into the substantive content - Model Rules of Professional Conduct [MRPC] and law practice management best practices. For example, when looking at MRPC, we look at physical, emotional and mental health as a part of Rule 1.1 – Duty of Competence, Rule 1.16 – Termination/Withdrawal from Representation and 8.3(a) - Reporting Professional Misconduct. We look at well-being templates and impairment policies that can be implemented into any firm setting when they graduate.
Q: In what way are you working with the Institute for Well-Being in Law ?
A: My formal role in IWIL is as the Secretary on the Board of Directors and all the administrative work that goes with that position. I have served on the Programming Committee for our first annual conference where we had nearly 600 attendees (we were 6 short), serve on the DEI Committee, and work with the state well-being task forces around the country to support them in their well-being initiatives. I am also on the Search Committee that is in the process of selecting the first full-time Executive Director of IWIL! We hope to have that position filled by the end of March. More generally, I serve as an ambassador for our mission: dedication to the betterment of the legal profession by focusing on a holistic approach to well-being. Through advocacy, research, education, technical and resource support, and stakeholders’ partnerships, we are driven to lead a culture shift in law to establish health and well-being as core centerpieces of professional success.
Q: Do you have a “go to” mindfulness practice for those days when you do not have time to do a formal sitting?
A: I kinda laughed out loud when I read this one. I have never been good at mindfulness exercises. When people start with “close your eyes, feel your feet in your shoes, feel your feet on the floor, etc.,” my mind ALWAYS wanders – what should I have for lunch, I wonder what the cat is doing, do some people have their eyes open, I need to make that haircut appointment. I try to refocus, but fail, which leads to questions about why can’t I do this, I’m a failure, what’s wrong with me, etc. I have found that my best “mindfulness moments” or my “go-to’s” occur on the CTA bus on my commute home to the Northside from downtown Chicago. Everyone else on the bus is scrolling through Instagram, texting, playing Candy Crush. I use the time to be silent and still, stare out the window and gaze at Lake Michigan. I breathe deeply, relax my shoulders, clear my mind of ruminating thoughts, and focus on the water, sometimes calm and still, sometimes rough and wavy, but always a sense of enjoying the moment for me. Not only does it help me be present, it clears the “ills’ of the day so that I am refreshed and can enjoy my evening with my husband!
Q: Do you have a favorite quote or expression that reminds you of why mindfulness and well-being are priorities in your life?
A: I have two. Sometimes I fall into the trap of worry; worry about what I should have done differently and worry about what might happen in the future. With all this worry, I forget about, fail to be mindful of, and miss out on the here and now. When I start down that ruminating path of things beyond my control, I remember the first quote, which is from Eleanor Roosevelt (I think) – “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift. And that’s why we call it the present.” This quote reminds me about the moment and to be present so I don’t miss the enjoyment of right now for the worry/speculation of the past/future.
The second has been with me a while, but has become ever more meaningful in the recent Covid times. It is a statement on well-being, grit and resilience. I know it is quirky, but one of my favorite movies is “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.” Judi Dench plays Evelyn Greenslade, a newly widowed housewife who has to sell her house to pay off her husband’s debts, and then moves to India and hilarity (and some sadness) ensues. She is describing what it is like to move to India from the UK, but her statement goes much deeper. Faced with so much all at the same time, she perseveres and says “[i]nitially, you’re overwhelmed. But gradually you realize it’s like a wave. Resist, and you’ll be knocked over. Dive into it and you’ll swim out the other side.”